Anna Marie Tendler, known for her multidisciplinary art, steps into the literary world with “Men Have Called Her Crazy,” a deeply personal exploration of her long-term battles with depression, disordered eating, and self-harm. For decades, Tendler, now 39, has navigated the complexities of her mental health, starting self-harm at just 14 as a coping mechanism for overwhelming anxiety and sadness. This often unseen struggle was a constant companion, concealed from view with long sleeves and a carefully constructed public image.
The announcement of Tendler’s memoir in February sparked immediate online buzz, though perhaps not for the reasons she intended. Much of the internet anticipation centered on the expectation of a tell-all exposé about her divorce from comedian John Mulaney. Following Mulaney’s rehab admission for addiction in late 2020 and their subsequent divorce announcement in May 2021, coinciding with the public revelation of Mulaney’s relationship with actress Olivia Munn, many anticipated a sensational account of heartbreak and celebrity drama.
However, “Men Have Called Her Crazy” sharply diverges from these tabloid expectations. References to her former marriage are minimal, almost an afterthought. Instead, Tendler delivers a powerful narrative focused squarely on her mental health journey, framing it within a broader societal critique of patriarchal structures and their impact on women’s psychological well-being.
Tendler writes with unflinching honesty about her perspective on the mental health field itself, stating, “From my view, the field of psychology was developed by white men using white men as the baseline standard for behavior and sanity. Centuries of conditioning has taught them, and us as a society, that when a woman expresses anger, paranoia, fear, anxiety, depression or even intuition, they might be crazy.” This critical lens shapes her exploration of personal struggles, connecting individual experience to systemic biases.
A significant portion of the book details Tendler’s two-week stay in a psychiatric hospital, beginning on New Year’s Day 2021, a decision prompted by her therapist’s recommendation. These chapters, recounting her daily experiences within the facility, are interwoven with reflections on past relationships. From a youthful romance with a 29-year-old rock star to an encounter with a dismissive tech millionaire during her time working at a hair salon, these anecdotes illustrate the complex tapestry of her life experiences that contributed to her mental health challenges.
In an interview with the Guardian, Tendler discussed the circumstances leading to her hospitalization. “It was recommended to me by my therapist. It wasn’t something I had thought about or was seeking out on my own,” she explained. “She knew about this hospital that had an evaluation program. It was only a week long, and she suggested that I do that at the time, since I was engaging in a lot of self-harm. I was pretty suicidal. I checked in on New Year’s Day in 2021.” This candid account underscores the severity of her situation and the proactive role of professional guidance in her seeking help.
The memoir’s detailed recounting of her time in the psychiatric facility is striking in its precision. Tendler revealed, “When I was in the hospital, I took really detailed notes, not anticipating that I would do anything with them. It just felt like what was hopefully a singular experience that I really wanted to remember.” This meticulous record-keeping allowed her to reconstruct her experience vividly, aiming to connect with readers on a universal level. “Writing about my story, I was also able to tap into something that is universal, which was my goal the whole time. What I really wanted to get across is not necessarily the ordinariness, but the way that my experiences are probably the same as those of so many other women.”
Addressing the potential stigma associated with psychiatric care, Tendler shared her positive experience. “That was not my experience at all in terms of going to the hospital. I felt like everybody in my life, all of my friends and my family were incredibly supportive. It was truly a lifesaver and I really never felt any shame about it. Since being in the hospital, I’ve come across so many other people who have gone through in-patient treatment.” She challenges the notion that seeking inpatient treatment is a sign of extreme crisis, highlighting the supportive environment she found. “It’s funny because my experience with going to the hospital itself was the least crazy that I ever felt. When I went to the hospital, I went in feeling crazy. And when I got there, I felt not crazy, and not because I was around people who were crazy. I was like, ‘Oh, we’re all in the same boat here. We’re all just struggling.’” This perspective offers a comforting and destigmatizing view of mental health facilities.
When asked about her current mental health status, Tendler expressed a nuanced view on the term “mental illness.” “I kind of take issue with the term ‘mental illness’. On one hand, terms are a linguistic way for us to feel to make sense of something and to feel part of a community. But on the other hand, I think that they can become super rigid.” She acknowledges the ongoing nature of her mental health journey. “I have depression and I have anxiety. I manage those things, but they’ll always be there. So while I feel like I’m in a much different place than I was when I was in the hospital, those are also aspects of myself that will be there forever.” This statement emphasizes that mental health is not always about a complete cure but about continuous management and self-awareness.
The book’s title, “Men Have Called Her Crazy,” is deliberately provocative, directly addressing the patriarchal themes explored within. “I came up with the title pretty early in the process of working on it. I knew that I wanted to move back in time and address my interactions with men,” Tendler explained. However, her analysis extends beyond individual blame. “This book goes back so far – and this was something that I really came to [understand] at the end of writing the book – that it’s difficult for me to blame individual people because I think that there are structures in place that create these systems. I also wanted to examine the things that I brought to the situations as well.” This systemic perspective adds depth to her personal narrative, linking individual struggles to broader societal issues.
Addressing the anticipated reader response, particularly those expecting a sensational divorce narrative, Tendler affirmed her literary intentions. “I set out to write something literary. I wrote through college and I wrote through grad school. And when I was writing this book, I had a very specific idea of the story that I wanted to tell. The book centers around [my time at] the hospital so that very much feels like the bedrock of the story, and I think frames it more into a story about mental health.” She consciously chose to prioritize her mental health narrative over tabloid fodder.
A pervasive mood of grief permeates the book, a theme Tendler acknowledges. “I was kind of melancholy as a kid. I thought about death a lot. Sad things hit me really hard. And then there were things that happened later in my childhood, like when I was training really hard for ballet and got injured and had this realization of: I’m not good enough to do this. And it was my whole identity. I stopped dancing when I was 17. [Dancing] was a huge part of my life and then I had to switch gears and find something else that I liked as much. That was really difficult.” This exploration of early experiences of loss and disappointment provides further context for her lifelong struggle with depression.
Amidst these heavier themes, Tendler also highlights sources of joy and self-soothing, such as her Victorian-style lampshade making. “Jumping back and forth between things that are more cerebral and things that are more tactile and that use different parts of my brain is helpful for me getting out of that feeling of being stuck and not creative.” This detail offers a glimpse into her coping mechanisms and creative outlets.
Reflecting on her therapeutic journey, Tendler noted both positive and negative experiences. “There are many therapists who populate your book – more than one abandoned or betrayed you.” She recounted an early experience with an unethical therapist shared with her family and a later therapist who, while initially helpful, eventually ended their professional relationship. However, she emphasizes the importance of her current support system. “One thing actually that came out of the pandemic was that my group of female friends got even closer. I have a really strong support system. We already texted today – about the Olympics. And then I have my cats who I also love very much. They’re great companions.” These relationships, along with professional help, are crucial components of her ongoing self-care.
In conclusion, “Men Have Called Her Crazy” is a powerful and poignant memoir that transcends celebrity gossip to offer a profound exploration of mental health, societal biases, and personal resilience. Anna Marie Tendler’s diagnosis, in the broader sense of understanding her mental health struggles, becomes a lens through which she examines not only her own life but also the larger cultural context that shapes women’s experiences. Her book serves as a vital contribution to the ongoing conversation about mental health awareness and the importance of destigmatizing the journey of seeking help and understanding.
If you or someone you know needs support, please reach out to the resources listed below:
In the US, call or text Mental Health America at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. You can also reach Crisis Text Line by texting MHA to 741741. In the UK, the charity Mind is available on 0300 123 3393 and Childline on 0800 1111. In Australia, support is available at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 14, and at MensLine on 1300 789 978.
